A Packet of Purported Legal Humor

Abstract

The packet consists of seven humorous pieces.

I. “Appellate Insight.” II. “One Dozen (Equivalent of a Duodecimal 10) Haikus.” III. “A Tetrad (Equivalent of a Ternion Plus One) of Legal Limericks.” IV. “A Baker’s Dozen of Legal Rubaiyat.” V. “Alternative Professional History.” VI. “Final Exam: Contracts.” VII. “With Security and Efficiency For All.”

Part I is an appellate opinion, in which the judge chooses one or another principle of adjudication, to decide disputed points the way he wants. Two of many actual examples of related principles, which justices and judges can use to reach the desired adjudicative goal:

History. The long history of the postal monopoly under Article I, section 8, clause 7 of the United States Constitution is determinative of the authority of the United States Postal Service to restrict letter boxes to receipt of mail which bears postage. Regents of University of California v. Public Employment Relations Board (1988).

The long history of apportionment of seats in state legislatures, under sections of state constitutions which allow one representative for each county, population regardless, is not determinative of the authority of states to do so. Reynolds v. Sims (1964).

First Congress. A law passed by the First Congress, many of the members of which were delegates to the Constitutional Convention, is an “exposition of the highest authority.” Patton v. United States (1930).

The Supreme Court may declare that a law passed by the First Congress is unconstitutional. Fairbank v. United States (1901).

Parts II, III, and IV are in poetic forms. Legal subjects range from contracts to international courts to real property to the UN, and from the Constitution to judicial policy-making. There is a story about attending law school, practicing law, trial judges, appellate judges, and quitting the practice of law.

Part V is a lawyer’s what-if resume. “The Road Not Taken,” as Robert Frost put it.

Part VI is a contracts case, based on a date-related tiff between a man and a woman. It includes a poke at real-world trials. That is followed by 10 law-school examination questions about the case and the trial.

Part VII is a Patriot Act type of order from the Department of Homeland Security.

Keywords: appeal, attorney, barrister, court, law school, lawyer, legal profession, rule of law, solicitor

JEL Classification: K10, K33, K40